I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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