I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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