awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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