i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize