just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize