I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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