peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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