Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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