she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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