It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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