where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize