Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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