3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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