Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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