How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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