Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize