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The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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