I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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