Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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