I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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