i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize