finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize