apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize