he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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