Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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