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she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Randomize
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