nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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