When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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