my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize