Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize