Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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