I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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