Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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