I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize