I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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