Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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