Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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