im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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