So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize