i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize