Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize