I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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