you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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