sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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