so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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