You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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