Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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