Tell her she can't have a vagina
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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