I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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