please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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